“What Is Your Love Language? (Before You Put Your Husband on PIP)”
…and Why Madina Okot Is Already Living the Atlanta Dream. Same Forest Different Monkeys.
Earlier in the week I was having lunch with a good friend of mine. One of those Kenyans who have made a life out there and still create time to come home.
We appreciate you. And those who don’t too but still fly the flag high. Hat tip.
Lakini I asked myself, lest I upset her — “when do you guys work?”
When you’re here long enough to watch the baby mbuzi (goat) your grandma gave you in December grow horns, we start wondering.
Ama huyu amefutwa job.
You know how we roll outchea in Haters Ville….
Anyway, somewhere in the banter, the WhatsApp Republic coughed up one of those long forwarded messages about love languages.
You know the type.
Too neat.
Too sure of itself.
Written like it has solved relationships for the whole world in eight bullet points and a pastel-coloured diagram.
I had heard the phrase before. Nodded at it. Seen people quote it like gospel.
But I had never stopped to ask what it actually meant.
Not the imported version. Not the TED Talk version. The real one.
The one that can survive rent, traffic offenses, silence, 101 missed calls, school fees, and somebody saying “sawa” with a full stop.
So I asked her to break it down. Properly.
She said it’s simple.
Some people need words. To be told. To be reassured. To hear it.
Others need action. Not speeches. Things done. Burdens carried. Life made lighter. Others need time. Real time. Not this modern arrangement where you’re in the same room but one of you is scrolling and the other is explaining themselves to a forehead. Others respond to gifts. Not because they’re materialistic — because thought has weight. And then touch. Warmth. Presence. The quiet language that says “I am here.”
Same love. Different reception.
And that’s where most people get it wrong.
You think because you’re doing your part… it must be working.
But effort is not the same as being understood.
(and you question why we ate the apple)
Now translate those things into Kenyanese, and the fog clears quickly.
Words of affirmation is simply: Usinyamaze. Hata kelele ni sawa. Talk to me.
Tell me I matter. Tell me you see me.
Because around here, silence is not always maturity. Sometimes silence is confusion. Sometimes it is the beginning of a meeting that has not yet been called.
Acts of service is even simpler:
Babe you know Friday golf is with the boys.
Love is….. gas imejazwa mbele iishe. (gas bill done)
A problem handled before it becomes a discussion.
Someone noticing you are struggling and stepping in
without making a documentary about their sacrifice.
Receiving gifts is not about money. Niliona hii nikakukumbuka. (I saw this and thought of you)
That small thing that says you occupy space in somebody’s mind even when you’re not physically there.
Sometimes a thoughtful KSh 500 beats a lazy KSh 5,000.
Because effort has its own exchange rate.
There’s two others, Quality Time and Physical Touch. I will write about those later.
They probably need a whole article.
I see synergies.
But today I write about Receiving gifts — because it connects to something thats interfereing with my love language this week.
Safaricom’s OneApp
.You know something is off when you have to enrol to learn how to use an app that was meant to simplify your life.
Not log in. Not navigate.
Enrol. Tutorials. Step-by-step guidance. For an app.
(Ok I've ongezad firi firi (added chilli)… but the meat is real)
Somewhere between the idea and the rollout, we crossed a line.
We stopped building tools for people.
We started building systems people must adapt to.
And at almost the same time,
I’m here trying to build this story — and my AI assistant has already given me a full structure.
Beginning. Middle. End. Lessons.
Everything lined up before the idea has even settled.
It didn’t wait for context. It didn’t wait for facts. It didn’t even wait for me.
And that’s when it clicks.
This is not just a Green Giant problem.
This is not just an AI problem.
This is a mindset problem.
We used to struggle to execute what we were thinking. Now we are struggling to think before we execute.
Launch now.
Start the year with a BANG!!!
Respond now. Fix later.
Kesi baadaye.
And the most uncomfortable truth?
It works just enough for us to accept it.
Because speed sometimes creates the illusion of progress.
SAME EFFORT, DIFFERENT OUTCOME
Sport is where the truth lives. No spin. No PR. Just results.
Take Augusta.
Rory finishes at -12. Walks away with $4.5 million. Scottie sits at -9. Takes home $2.4 million.
Three golf shots.
Roughly $600,000 to $700,000 per shot.
Same course. Same weather. Same preparation.
Same level of excellence.
The difference was not effort. It was who read the moment correctly.
One putt that needed a softer touch.
One drive that needed restraint instead of aggression.
One moment where understanding mattered more than power.
That’s the gap.
And once you see it there, you start seeing it everywhere.
WHEN SYSTEMS FAIL, LIFE ADJUST
There’s a joke doing rounds.
Simple. Clean. Straight to the point.
“Dear parents, please remind your kids to bring 5L of petrol for a science project tomorrow.”
No panic. No apology. Just instructions.
And the scary part? It makes sense.
Because right now, fuel is no longer just fuel. It’s uncertainty. It’s queues. It’s “system iko down” becoming a normal sentence in places where money has already been paid. So what happens?
We adjust. Not to reality.
To dysfunction.
What used to be a crisis becomes a workaround.
What used to be unacceptable becomes manageable. And before long, nobody is asking “Why is this happening?” The question becomes “How do we survive it?”
Bring that same energy into the home
Schools are opening. Kids have been around long enough for routines to collapse. Parents are tired. Quietly overwhelmed. And slowly, without saying it out loud, we have taken the language of work and brought it into our relationships.
Targets. Expectations. Performance. Structure.
We are managing life the way we manage teams. If we are honest, we are one step away from formalising it. Thirty days. Clear objectives. Weekly check-ins. Improvement required.
We are applying structure where understanding is required.
Managing behaviour where connection is required.
Fixing outcomes without reading the situation.
WHO READ THE MOMENT RIGHT
Then rugby does what rugby always does. It tells the truth without explaining itself.
I say this with a bit of Schadenfreude — the kind only community clubs understand when one of the “CMB” boys gets clipped. (Cash Money Brothers, a famous rap group who’s leader was called….. Prezzo)
Nondies didn’t just beat Oilers. They disrupted a narrative. The same Oilers — structure, power, consistency, the kind of team people pencil into semi-finals without thinking twice. And then suddenly — not so certain.
The jokes write themselves. Oil cartel… exposed.
But strip away the banter. This was not about strength. It was about reading the moment. Who understood what the game was asking for, when it mattered most.
Same goes for Shujaa in Hong Kong. They didn’t collapse. They competed. They adjusted. They even led. But sevens is not a 14-minute game. It’s a 2-minute test at the end. And that’s where the difference shows.
Same effort. Different outcome.
Now bring in Madina Okot
“Madina Okot posing with WNBA Commissioner Cathy Engelbert after being selected 13th overall by the Atlanta Dream in the 2026 WNBA Draft at The Shed in New York City on April 13, 2026.”
Last week she was a story. The kind people clap for politely and move on. Potential. Promise. “We are watching.” This week? Drafted into the WNBA. Atlanta Dream.
That’s not narrative. That’s proof. And the moment proof arrives, everything changes. The same people who were quiet become loud.
Because the system does not reward effort. It rewards conversion.
And while we are still debating effort, intention, potential — others are converting. Others are positioning
Look at our neighbours Rwanda.
While teams fight for results on the pitch, Rwanda is doing something else entirely. Arsenal. Bayern. PSG. Atlético.
Not on the table. On the sleeve. On the screen. On every replay.
In swahili we say….”waliona mbele”
In corporate hiring its called “the ability to see round corners”
To the spiritual….is this … “Serendipity” or “kuangukia” (to fall on something)
That is not marketing.
That is understanding the game behind the game.
In a world where everyone is moving faster, the advantage is not speed. It is clarity.
THE LINK
We are not failing because we are not trying. We are failing because we are not reading the moment correctly.
In relationships → we are speaking the wrong language.
In golf → we are misreading the putt.
In business → we are building for ourselves, not users.
In systems → we are explaining instead of fixing.
In rugby → we are competing but not closing.
In success → we celebrate effort, but reward proof.
Same forest. Different monkeys.
The difference is not effort. It is interpretation.
Most people are not losing because they are lazy.
They are losing because they are misreading the moment.
Before you say things are not working
Before you say people don’t understand you
Before you say the system is broken
Ask yourself one question:
Are you doing the right thing…
or are you doing things right?
Because sometimes the gap is not effort.
The gap is understanding.
Same Forest. Different Monkeys
If this one landed somewhere… don’t just scroll. Don’t sit with it.
Share it with someone who needs that reminder
or someone you’re still trying to understand.
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We’re building something. Slowly. Intentionally.
Same Forest. Different Monkeys.
Mubarikiwe. Jah Bless🙏🏾
Go with song.
.