THOU SHALT COVET……….( read that again)

Transfer Season is still open in politics & the EPL – The Riggy G Edition #SameForest #DifferentMonkeys series

The DC Letter (real or deep fake?)

Back in the day, DC B.M. Mathenge could drop a “TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN” and the whole country shook. Epanito Murunga (no relation to the winger who traded his boots for the keyboard) was sent chasing after Joseph Wanyama (living up to his name) for touching the ultimate taboo – stealing another man’s wife. (Ultimate emasculation imv)

That letter was law. Fear. Final.

This story has WRONG written all over it. First, do you mean you needed permission to go to Nairobi? Next you have carte blanche to hunt down another human (probably deserves it). Likening that crime to robbery or trafficking like Diddy. This is a woman for the love of God (talk about fidelity insurance later).

Now fast-forward to 2025. The DC is Riggy G. The letters are no longer typed on typewriters but blasted on WhatsApp groups, roadside rallies, and late-night phone calls to journos.
Same energy, new platform.

And just like back then, the scandal is always juicier than the official story.

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Riggy G on Free Transfer

From day one, Riggy was always a striker on the transfer list. He muscled past Kindiki to bag the No. 2 jersey.

“Mchoraji” executed a classic Lyndon B. Johnson move: “better inside the tent pissing out than outside pissing in.”

But politics has no permanent contracts. Experiment over, impeachment signed, and suddenly Riggy is a free agent—boots polished, jersey untucked, and looking for a new club.

Umbrellas up good people, get your gumboots and raincoats on. Tis the season… The man is causing chaos on every counter-attack. Rumor has it he even tried to snitch to Big Daddy DJT in the US.

Lesson? A released player with a grudge is more dangerous than a rival striker.

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Love & Life Parallels

Same script in love.

That ex you benched? Now starring in another squad, posting hat-tricks on Instagram.

That one whose calls you put on silent? Somebody picked his/her call, now she’s posted nuptials at ecitizen.

Sometimes you’re the coach who underestimates talent. Sometimes you’re the star wrongfully released.

Free transfers in love sting the most. (Ameenda… ameenda… hivyo tu… free/bure).

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Business Lessons – Poaching Isn’t Always Winning

Corporate Kenya loves the transfer market too.

At the height of the Telco wars one Telco “bought out another’s biggest dealer”, similar to the days of the legendary beer wars, thinking they could replicate the magic. Flopped. Hard. Pretty penny for the distributor though 😉

(Talking of beer wars… is another one on the horizon? this time led by fruity flavours… hehe).

Companies pay top dollar for a rival’s Top Salesperson… they still struggle. Is it the salesperson? No. Is it the product? No. It’s the DNA. (Purity was just chilling).

Even global icons like Steve Jobs were kicked out of their own clubs, only to return and turn Apple into a trillion-dollar team.

👉 Lesson: retention beats poaching.
Don’t just sign a shiny outsider. Keep your loyal clients, your top sales reps, your evangelists. They’ll play harder for the shirt than any mercenary.

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Rugby Shock – Argentina Beats NZ (I swallow my words)

History flipped when Argentina beat New Zealand at home for the first time.

Star of the show? Pablo Matera—the man who excelled for the Crusaders, became their best player, then returned to Argentina to humble the All Blacks in their own backyard.

Dynasties fall. Free agents bite back.
Sometimes the underdog writes history.

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EPL Transfers – Football and Heartbreak

Football = heartbreak, hero shots, emotional memes. The deals that have emotional butter:

• Eberechi Eze → Arsenal
  Returned to his boyhood club after being released at age 13. Now the £67.5m shining star. Graceful exit, emotional return.

• Alexander Isak → Liverpool saga
  Striking stance to force the move, dropped out of training, calling out broken promises—pure drama and heartache for Newcastle fans.

• Florian Wirtz → Liverpool
  At a record-breaking fee (over £116m) among Premier League deals. Young German maestro now with a “heavy badge” on his back.

Football is emotional because transfers hurt.

Every club, every fan, knows the sting of losing your star. Same as Ingwe watching their stars defect to K’Ogalo like it’s free lunch at Kosewe’s.

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Local Rugby Transfers – Sugar, Oil & Scholarships

Kenya’s rugby transfer market is just as savage.

• The Real Sugar Daddy, The Cashflow Daddy, and the Oily Daddy – the money (wo)men. They don’t build, they buy. Works in business too. And why not!

• The Campus Baddies – throwing scholarships like njugus, snatching young stars with the promise of degrees. Game ni game. You fight with your strengths.

• The Kienyejis – Mnajijua. Kitambo you could get onto one mathree and drop players at all three of the venues. Then the odieros joined the party to replace a stalwart who found a home next to a police station. Once giants, now fighting to keep their boys from being poached. (Wanyore wamezoea ☹)

Question: Can these Old Generals redeem themselves? Or will they remain feeder clubs for the moneyed giants?

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The Sales Story

In sales, politics, and love—retention is the real championship.

• A loyal customer will market you harder than any billboard.

• A loyal player will bleed for the jersey.

• A loyal partner will defend you when the storm hits.

Poaching is flashy. Loyalty is legacy. ………… Cash is King 😉

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NEW TELEGRAM BLAST from Discreet Commissioner (DC) SALESFUNDIKE

“It has come to the attention of this office that defections, transfers, and betrayals are now the national pastime. All clubs, lovers, businesses, and political parties are advised to guard their players closely.
Signed: KT for B.M. Mathenge, DC (Retired) for Epanito Murunga (sliced).
Countersigned: Riggy G (Free Agent, Currently in Residential Training camp Wamunyoro by way of Wyoming).”
Disclaimer: Any resemblance to actual DCs, VPs, strikers, exes, or sugar daddies—living, dead, impeached, or on scholarship—is purely coincidental and the product of an erratic street preacher’s imagination. Read as satire, not summons.

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