Michael Jackson mastered the Moonwalk — sliding backwards while the world swore he was gliding forward. Decades later, Kenya has perfected its own version. We fundraise for faith, put money in Money Market Funds, and rebrand desperation as innovation. It’s movement, yes — but in which direction?
Hey, but guess what: MJ is back. This time as a real ghost. Thriller 2025 broke records again this Halloween — proof that the more things change, the more we moonwalk in circles.
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💸 The MMF Gospel — Kenya’s Daily Dopamine
Money-Market Funds are Kenya’s new positive gospel of instant gratification. As at October 2025, assets under management crossed KSh 220 billion, up more than 40 percent year-on-year — proof that Kenyans trust fund managers more than their own willpower. The top five funds now control over 80 percent of the market, offering “risk-free” yields of 10 – 12 percent p.a. with near-instant liquidity.
It sounds like discipline. It’s really dopamine — a nation high on daily interest alerts.
Fund managers call it liquidity. SalesFundiKe calls it gratificationism — the addiction to instant yield. Every withdrawal feels like a win, every deposit a prayer. And like every gospel, this one has the collectors: fund managers chasing quarterly returns like creators chasing views on TikTok.
When investors become congregants and fund statements replace faith statements, illusion becomes Kenya’s most profitable export. But every pothole has a silver lining … Suppose insurers built a product embedded in MMFs — protection for the investor (like credit life insurance) who gets injured yet keeps earning interest. 😉 With around 2.4 million MMF accounts those are 2.4. million new customers. Even at 100 bob a month thats 240 million a month or close to 3 billion a year!!! That would blow the Life insurance market apart like crackers in Diwali.
Mwanaume ni kutafuta….hehe
🙏🏽 Faith, Fundraising & the 3-Million-Shilling Miracle
When gospel artist Hellen Muthoni asked fans to raise KSh 3 million to reclaim her repossessed car, timelines caught fire. Half the country prayed; the rest screenshotted her Paybill.
It happened just as women worldwide were winning — Mexico’s first female president, Namibia’s all-woman cabinet, Martha Koome leading the Judiciary, Faith Odhiambo at LSK, our girls kina Fei & Chebet eating golds for breakfast and girls topping in high school enrollment…… Then one post — one till number — turned empowerment into entertainment.
Screenshot from Hellen Muthoni’s verified Facebook page (Nov 2025).
Within a week she posted again: “By God’s grace, the car will be delivered to Nairobi.” Faith had moved a mountain — and a motor vehicle.
👩🏽🤝👩🏽 When Women Turn on Women
Progress is fragile when your own sisters hold the stone. The internet turned her plea into a referendum on womanhood. Some said courage; others called it clout-chasing — classic intrafemale rivalry, women dimming other women’s light.
Meanwhile, men scrolled quietly, wondering: If faith now comes with an invoice, what’s left for us to believe in?
🧬 The Mbegu Safi Economy — Hope in a Test Tube
In Nairobi’s fertility clinics, hope has a price tag. Donors earn KSh 10 000 – 12 000 per sample; recipients pay KSh 40 000 – 55 000 for sperm and up to KSh 400 000 for IVF. In California, a premium vial fetches USD 1 200 – 1 500.
Kenya’s Assisted Reproductive Technology Bill 2022still sits in Parliament, so the market regulates itself — beauty, body type, and bloodline are the new rating agencies.
Somewhere in Kayole, a 28-year-old personal trainer has unknowingly fathered twins in Karen. Hope sold by the millilitre.
“Next time you’re about to borrow from a loan app, take a walk to the gents and think about it. That’s roughly KSh 12 000 per sample. The future, quite literally, is in your hands — handle it wisely.”
From sperm banks to stockbrokers, the pursuit is the same: instant yield, no patience.
💼 Business — When Corporates Buy Seed
Corporates are Kenya’s fertility clinics — forever inseminating capital and praying for quarterly conception. MMFs, venture rounds, ESG reports: all promises of clean growth.
But a seed that sprouts overnight rarely survives the sun. Even Buffett said it: “You can’t produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.” Long-term thinking is the real foreplay of prosperity.
🏃🏾♀️ Sports — Fiji, Boks & the Wallaby Wantams
Rugby preached its gospel this weekend. The Springboks dined on croissants after flattening France — dominance tastes better with butter. The All Blacks? Still winning, but the aura has faded. Uoga uliisha. Teams no longer tremble at the haka; they dance back.
Fiji thrilled England for 60 minutes — flair, finesse, fire — then gasped at 70. If only Fiji could last 80, the world would change.
Meanwhile, the Wallabies fumbled again, 19-26 to Italy. Two tries by Aussie-born players, one the son of a Wallaby legend. They should be renamed the Wallaby Wantams — always wanting to win, rarely wanting to work.
Different jerseys, same lesson: stamina beats spectacle. The game — and manhood itself — is an 80-minute commitment.
🕺🏾 Life — Michael Jackson & the Search for Perfection
MJ spent life chasing the perfect self — lighter skin, straighter nose, smoother sound. This Halloween, Thriller 2025 hit No. 1 again. Even in death, branding sells. The moonwalk has become Kenya’s national dance — sliding backward while posting progress.
🏉 International Men’s Month — Planting Real Seeds
Hellen Muthoni got her car back. Good for her. Now it’s our turn to redeem something that moves people, not machines.
Sponsor a Quin or a BQuini player😉
Kenya Harlequin FC are holding their Annual Dinner and Awards Ceremony on the 22nd of November at the Ole Sereni Hotel. Thank you to all members who’ve already bought player tickets — we’re slowly but surely chipping away at our target: 70 men, 30 women. A player’s ticket is Ksh 4,500
If you prefer to donate ANY amount to a player’s ticket via the club Paybill, use 👇🏽
A good read as usual!! The MMF numbers are crazy! That is over $1.5 Billion; no reason why we cannot fund infrastructure like our Ethiopian neighbours who raised $5 Billion to fund their GERD.
A good read as usual!! The MMF numbers are crazy! That is over $1.5 Billion; no reason why we cannot fund infrastructure like our Ethiopian neighbours who raised $5 Billion to fund their GERD.
Well-written, I enjoyed reading it.